The Journey from Abandonment to Healing

I have suffered my whole life with feelings of abandonment. I was away on a silent retreat with my mother, a therapist. I was coming out of another relationship with a man that I knew wasn't right for me, and I didn't even want in my life. But I was devastated as usual. I remember my mother telling me that I would have to learn to accept the feelings, and they will be with me for the rest of my life. It was an aha moment for me. It was the first time I accepted that I carried abandonment. However, there was a component to the feelings of abandonment that felt physiological; it was like my body was on fire.

When I arrived home, it was around my birthday, a friend of mine left this book at my door! This book was so powerful and was frankly the beginning of understanding myself within abandonment! If you read this book, you will understand what and how your mind and body react when you feel someone is abandoning you. Eventually, you will learn we are the ones who abandon ourselves.

The Covert Narcissist

I had read several books on the subject, trying to understand why I loved a man that mistreated me. Desperately trying to put the pieces of a seven-year journey together, this was my answer. After reading this book, I not only understood, I felt heard.

The Power of Now

Most of us are aware of the teachings of Eckhart Tolle, and I’m sure quite a few of us have read some of, if not all, of his amazing books. I have been fortunate to be part of a family that are knowledge seekers, and in our own way, contribute our learnings to the collective. We have had many discussions regarding Eckhart’s teachings.

For most of us in my family, I can speak that we have this powerful book on our nightstand. Easy access to pick up when a little inspiration is needed. You randomly open and miraculously find yourself on a passage that is just right in that moment.

Ten years ago, if not more, I spent months practicing his teachings. I had a thunderous and strong internal ego voice. So strong I had trouble sleeping; I would find myself yelling at it to stop. Through Eckart’s teachings, I learned how to separate myself from that voice and quiet my mind. As well as learning what issues were unresolved from my childhood. It was a window into my past, a past that I needed to rewrite or rewire in my brain and bring forth to the present. I will share how I did that and continue to do so, in a future post.

The 5 Personality Patterns

When I was in the final stages of my past relationship, this book popped up on my feed as I searched for self-absorbed behavior. What caught my eyes were the words “developing emotional maturity.“ I knew my relationship was clearly lacking in that area. What I found in this book was so much more. I was blown away by how one of the patterns, “Merging,” described me and how I conducted myself in all my personal relationships.

I not only recognized myself, I saw my partner, family members, and co-workers. I now had understanding more tolerance and compassion for my tribe around me. Within weeks of purchasing this book, it has found its way across the country to friends and family members alike. It has become such a useful tool; it is part of our vernacular.

Interestingly, when I started to thread all my teaching together, I saw a commonality in my attachment style, personality pattern, and susceptibility to being manipulated by a Covert Narcissist and/or toxic people. This book gave me another piece to the puzzle of me, which gives me the understanding of why self-protection (boundaries) has become the tool most needed in my tool kit.

Attached

I seem to have found myself in relationships with the non-committal type. After reading this book I understood why. We all strive to be in loving secure relationships; once you know your attachment style you will have a clearer understanding of how to find it. There is so much value within the pages of this book.